a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
