i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
