Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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