All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
