she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
