She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
