So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
