Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
