so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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