I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
