he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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