my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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