Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
