My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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