I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
