whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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