No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
