Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
