she was so not down for the gang bang
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
