the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
