I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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