did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She said her name was "party"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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