Already got asked if we're dating
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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