so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
