He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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