She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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