Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
