Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
