i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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