It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pants are for mortals
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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