I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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