you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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