so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
