the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
