You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
