dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
