he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
