It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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