Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize