people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My vagina is officially offended.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
