my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize