I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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