I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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