It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.