I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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