You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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