It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
