I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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