I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
