She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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