I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
