Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
