please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
