wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
