Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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