1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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