I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
