Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
