playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
