Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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