i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
