So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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