I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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