I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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