I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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