Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
