just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
