but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
