I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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