i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
